


Time after Time

by CapturetheFinnick



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, College, F/F, Multi, Season/Series 04, Season/Series 05
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-06
Updated: 2017-10-16
Packaged: 2018-12-24 16:56:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 11,051
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12017061
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CapturetheFinnick/pseuds/CapturetheFinnick
Summary: As college begins, everything's changing around Willow, everyone's moving forward, drifting away and she seems stuck. They all still have one thing in common though; monsters, and Sunnydale's full of them. Aka Buffy; the college years. (Working Title)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So this is mostly set-up, you know how it is, trying to slip in all the subtle details whilst building a plot. I hope to be able to keep this up! Not exactly sure if there will be a schedule/how many chapters they'll be at this point but hopefully I'll know soon!

Willow walked down the hallway. The carpet curled at the corners of the walls, a questionable stain spread itself onto the wall, a pyramid of _light bud_ glass bottles stood proudly outside one of the doors. She could vaguely hear a bassline escaping from under one of the heavy wooden doors. It seemed as there was always some kind of music hanging in the air. Her feet dragged along the well-trodden carpet, it had been a long day. She’d only just managed to get a seat in the library, practically having to pull it out from under a girl in a questionable felt hat. All she got for her efforts was a scowl and a small patch of desk. After that her laptop had died, she’d forgotten her charger and she’d brought the wrong textbook. On top of that she’d got a last minute text from a friend in her introduction to economy class reminding her about the essay tomorrow. _Oh my god what essay??_ Suffice to say it hadn’t been a good day, and the world weighed heavy on her mind. She guessed this was the real college, away from the shiny brochures filled with smiling faces, the unglamourised part, the long hours and constant work. And Willow loved it most of the time, but sometimes the constant nature of it all got to her, she wanted nothing more to take a long nap. Her un-started econ essay hung above her like a chalice. She sighed. How important was economy anyway? It’s not like it was one of the pillars of modern society. She pushed the heavy door into her dorm room, with a sigh.

Faith was sat on Buffy’s bed, headphones on, a bottle of nail varnish balanced on her left knee, black as always. Willow smiled slightly. Faith was becoming part of the furniture, Buffy’s posters, her weapons, her Faith. Willow guessed she had gotten two roommates for the price of one.

“Hey Red,” Faith said, removing her headphones, and scanning Willow’s limp expression, “Rough day?”

“The universe is out to get me.” Willow said, flopping down on her bed, not bothering to take off her backpack, “I’ve got so much work to do,”

“See,” Faith said grinning, “that’s why I avoid academia, the oppression of the patriarchy and all that.”

Willow rolled her eyes, “You just can’t focus,” Willow said, staring at the ceiling,

“And there’s that.”

“Plus you get the college experience anyway, minus all the work.” Willow smiled,

“You got that right, I know how to play the game,” Faith grinned, shaking her right hand, and blowing on it gently, trying to get her nail polish to try.

“Where is Buffy anyway?”

“In the shower,” Faith said, as just on cue Buffy came through the door, a hairbrush in her left hand, a large grey jumper shoved over her white cotton shorts, her straggly wet hair forming a small dark patch.

“Oh hey, Will,” Buffy said, taking in her expression, “Rough day?”

Willow rolled her eyes,

“Academia” Faith said, “It’s the true evil,”

“It gets to us all,” Buffy said, leaning down to kiss Faith,

“Not all of us are on scholarships Buffy,” Willow said, standing up and placing her backpack by the side of her bed, rummaging in her bedside drawer for her laptop charger,

“Hey I fight evil, this is my reward,”

“Whatever,” Willow said, grinning, “Saving the world isn’t that important.”

“Hey I died!” Buffy said, sitting down on Faith’s lap and wrapping her arms around her neck,

“Less than three minutes doesn’t count,” Willow said, as she set up her laptop.

“Hey Will,” Buffy said, running her hands through Faith’s hair, “You said we could have the room tonight,” she said, gesturing towards the laptop.

“Shit, it’s your anniversary,” Willow said, “I completely forgot.” She said, shaking her head.

“Don’t worry about it.” Faith said, turning towards Buffy, “One year since she kissed me on the floor of the crypt.”

“Such a romantic story,” Willow laughed, shoving her charger into her backpack.

“Maybe we should start making something up,” Buffy said, twirling Faith’s hair in her fingers.

“No I like it,” Faith said, kissing her softly on the lips, “Most confusing signals ever though, I completely thought you were straight,”

“And I thought you were trying to get with Angel,” Buffy laughed.

“So what are your plans then?” Willow said, hovering by the door.

“Thought we’d order in takeout, watch horror films, make out,” Faith said, making Buffy blush.

“The classics then?”

“Completely broke,” Faith said,

“It’s not the watcher council’s fault you spent their monthly wage on a single leather jacket,” Buffy laughed,

“But it looks so good,” Faith said, leaning her forehead against Buffy’s,

“That it does,” Buffy said, leaning down to kiss Faith and Willow took that as her excuse to leave,

“See you guys,” she said, as both Faith and Buffy waved her off, still kissing.

~

So here she was back in the hallway again, she guessed the library it was. She would have to pull an all-nighter anyway, damn econ essay. She wished for once she could blow it off, take herself off to a bar downtown somewhere, meet the love of her life, finally get her life started. She sighed. It was just a daydream. She felt like she had been in a holding pattern for years, hovering right on the cusp of her own existence, life passing her by, like she was never properly living it. She was watching her friends move on, meet people, accomplish things. She hadn’t even so much as had a crush since Oz had left five months ago. She didn’t need anyone, she constantly told herself in the dull light of the library, and she didn’t _need_ someone, but it didn’t stop her from _wanting_ someone. It didn’t stop her from daydreaming, from imagining that she would lock eyes with the boy across the hall and fall deeply in love, or the girl.

And that was another part of the issue. Looking back, Willow was starting to feel like she’d always had feelings for girls, small crushes she’d thrown away as just wanting to be like them, or as wanting to be their friend, heart pounds she’d put down to nerves. And then she’d met Oz, and it had made sense, just a _normal_ (witch) girl and her _normal_ (werewolf) boyfriend. And then he’d left and she was starting to notice girls again, the girl who sat in front of her in her international history class, her bright green eyes, and hint of a smile, the way she tucked her hair behind her ear before she started talking, the girl who always served her at the coffee shop, their hands lingering. Plus she had recently developed an almighty obsession (crush) on Winona Ryder. She was still attracted to boys, or at least she thought she was. She sighed, it was so _confusing._

She wished she could be like Buffy, like Faith. Faith had told her once, in the safety of the darkness, heads against pillows, smores already eaten, that she’d always known she was bi, since she was younger she’d just always been attracted to boys and girls and that was the end of it. And Buffy had had no idea until she met Faith, and then it was clear, crystal. Willow was so jealous of them, they knew, they weren’t stuck in this murky holding pen, in the fog of what if? _No_. But what if? _No_. And it was all bottled up inside her, rattling against her ribcage, a constant cloud as she stared up at the ceiling, the peeling plaster that she and Buffy shared, not knowing anything about herself. The one person she should know better than anyone. Every night as she stared up, she was super aware of Buffy in the next bed. Buffy. Her best friend. Who was also gay. It probably should have been super easy to talk to her about it, but Willow had internalised everything for so long, just saying it, just letting it fall from her lips seemed wrong, like she was lying, like nothing was real. Plus Buffy was always so busy. Trying to get her alone was like trying to catch a falling leaf. She slayed, she worked hard, she was always surrounded by people, she was always with Faith. Her life was whole, fulfilled, perfect. And obviously that wasn’t true, she knew Buffy struggled, had been privy to many a discussion about it. Long nights of _what if there’s something beyond slaying, beyond the mechanic life, beyond… ?_ But that’s how all her friends lives seemed to her, perfect. Buffy and Faith one year strong, a purpose for their lives, the slayers. Xander and Anya, going on two years, moved in together, Xander with his newly found career in carpentry. Giles and Jenny engaged and wedding planning, Giles with a brand new job lecturing at the university in the next town over. Everyone was moving forward and Willow was only ever standing still. Sometimes everything was just a little bit too hard.

She reached the library, it had cleared a little, and Willow was able to get one of her favourite spots, in the corner, a desk with its own overhead light, right next to a collection of ‘supernatural’ texts, a large window arching high in the ceiling. People had begun to go home to their families, to their friends, only the dedicated came to the library at night. And the lonely, Willow supposed.

She opened her textbook,

_The use of mathematics in economics increased the quantitative analysis inherent in the discipline; however, given the discipline's essentially social science roots, many economists from John Maynard Keynes to Robert Heilbroner andotherscriticizedthebroaduseofmathematicalmodelsforhumanbehaviorarguingthat somehumanchoicescannotbemodeledorevaluatedinamathematicalequation._ _somehumanchoicescannotbemodeledorevaluatedinamathematicalequation.._ _somehumanchoicescannotbemodeledorevaluatedinamathematicalequation.._ _somehumanchoicescannotbemodeledorevaluatedinamathematicalequation.._

Willow’s eyes were growing heavy as her head lowered itself onto the textbook, surely a small nap couldn’t be too bad? Her eyes were beginning to lace together, the darkness was patches that were being woven together.

~

Willow was awoken by a clatter on the table, and she sprung up her eyes wide open.

“I’m awake, I’m awake I promise!” she shouted, briefly unaware of where she was.

“I’m s-so s-sorry,” came a small voice, standing right by the desk, a copy of _drawing down the moon,_ clutched under her arm and hand reaching out to pick up the culprit book back off Willow’s desk; _a history of witchcraft._

“No it’s fine,” Willow said, rubbing her eyes, looking up at the clock that hung on the far wall. “Oh god is that the time?” She said, her eyes widened.

“Yeah, not m-many people stay past midnight,” The girl said, picking up her book and pushing her blond hair behind her ears,

“Ugh midnight,” Willow sighed,

“B-big project?” the girl said,

“Something like that,” Willow looked up, “I’m Willow by the way,”

“Tara” the girl said with a smile that seemed to light up her face, her bright eyes shining through the blush that spread across her cheeks. She hovered by the table.

“So what are you doing at the library this late, Tara?” Willow said, trying to put off looking at her econ textbook for as long as possible.

“Needed some last minute research for my spell-“Tara’s eyes widened, “I mean my p-project on spells,” she hurried.

Willow grinned, “So you’re a wicca too huh?”

“You’re a witch?” Tara’s face seemed to light up.

“I mean I don’t know if you could call me a full on witch, but I try,”

“H-how did you get into it?” Tara said, before glancing at the pile of books on Willow’s table, the hum of her laptop. “I m-mean you’re b-busy, you d-don’t have time to talk to m-me,” she said, her blonde hair falling across her face as she turned on her heel.

“N-No!” Willow said, a little too loudly, and someone glared at her from across the library, “It’s not important,” she smiled, “Here come sit,” she said, motioning to the seat next to her.

Tara smiled, “Well if you’re sure?”

“Of course,”

The night passed by, the clock marking time as the hours went by, the two girls talking about anything and everything, about childhood and magic and high school and the last episode of _Friends._ And all the doubts that had clouded Willow’s mind for months, that had seemed lock by chain and key, were out in the open, were greeted with a smile and a nod. And everything that had seemed scary and life-ending and like a cliff fall were okay. Were just more words, weren’t shadows, or big bads, were just truths, accepted with a small nod, more facets of Willow.  

A couple of coffees later and the sun was beginning to rise, stretching its rays through the high arching windows. Morning. Willow’s books laid abandoned on the table, still opened on the first page. It was now a lost cause, and whereas normally the idea would fill her with a pit of dread, a small knot in her stomach, she felt at peace. She wasn’t sure whether it was the utter lack of sleep that was clouding her judgement, or whether _other factors_ were at play, but she felt lighter.

“I better get going,” Tara smiled, swinging her backpack over her shoulder, her feathered earrings knocking against her cheeks.

“I guess when the sun comes up, that’s a sure sign it’s too late,” Willow smiled, staring wistfully at her textbook,

“For sure,” Tara said, lingering by the desk, “see you around?”

“Definitely,” Willow said, turning to shut down her laptop, placing it in her case, and putting her textbooks into her backpack. When she turned around Tara had left, and she started making her way back to the dorm room, trying to ignore the small lurking feeling of disappointment, a small dip, which definitely had nothing to do with Tara leaving the room.

~

The morning light crept through the crack in the curtains, a small drift of light as Willow tried to make her way to her bed. The soft light danced across Buffy and Faith their bodies curled together, Faith’s arms draped over Buffy, the pair of them curled in one corner of Buffy’s double bed. They both looked so peaceful, so content. Faith opened one eye, smiling at Willow,

“Late night?” she whispered,

“Something like that,” Willow whispered back, dropping her backpack and climbing under the duvet in all her clothes.

Tara’s face was pressed firmly into her mind, her hair draped in light, like one of Willow’s daydreams. A halo, a blurred unreality. A small smile spread across her face. And maybe this wasn’t the start of something new, wasn’t the start of a new journey. But for right now everything felt a little clearer, and that was all Willow needed right now. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey look who stuck to the weekly schedule thing! Also, I have more written but I don't want to post it yet, I want to pace myself cos I start Uni again next week (promptly falls off the face of the earth). Hope you enjoy! I love writing the college years, and I'm really enjoying all the dynamics!

It had been 3 days since Willow’s all-nighter. She’d skipped her econ class, feeling only mildly guilty as the warm duvet stretched over her, snuggled warm and happy, only to be awoken an hour later by Buffy in some kind of fit about a missing shoe.

_It’s not funny Faith I’m going to be late for class!_  
Well maybe you should just stay here with me,   
Faith I mean it…. 

Sometimes it still surprised Willow how different the two slayers were.  Light and dark, reckless and level-headed, dangerous and reliable, yet they were _so_ good together, in a way nobody could have predicted.  Giles had been sure they’d crash and burn, _it’ll all end in tears I tell you,_ (not that he would admit that now.) And it was because they both had their hearts in the same place, both stubborn as hell, both determined and passionate, both independent, a perfect unit, self-sufficient. The watcher’s council certainly would have had their hands full, if both slayers hadn’t given them the brush off. Willow remembered the last watcher they’d sent, his raised eyebrows at their obvious relationship, (two slayers together was unprecedented at best, and highly unnerving for a watcher, they were each uniquely powerful, and combined they held more power than the council would have liked), his stuttering as they shut him down; they didn’t need anybody to tell them what to do, _thank you very much._ Willow relished watching his face fall as the girls folded their arms, staring him down, their power over him evident in their raised eyebrows. Even Giles had to tread carefully. They both loved him though, even if they gave him a hard time sometimes. Sometimes he felt as if he’d skipped the infant stage and gone straight to having two teenage daughters. _Quite the headache,_ a colleague had once said, and Giles had only shook his head, smiling. Dealing with his small brood of teenagers wasn’t always easy, but he hadn’t a doubt in his mind that he’d die for them, again and again if necessary. He grimaced steely; it wouldn’t come to that. _His biggest fear._

Willow smiled listening to Faith and Buffy’s banter (the shoe was under the bed), the small morning routine. The early morning light fell through the window, dust and wonder floating in the air, and she felt that early feeling of hope, _something new,_ as if she were standing on the edge of a whole new chapter. She was itching to see Tara again.

She went to class, she did her work, she met with Giles, she listened to Buffy talk about Faith, about the monster of the week. But she couldn’t seem to focus. When she was supposed to be thinking about Benjamin Franklin all she could see was Tara’s face, the bright beam of her eyes, the gentle lines of her speech. When Giles asked her if she knew of any locator spells, he had to ask her three times before she’d fully registered what he’d been saying. Giles had rolled his eyes, _not quite with us today Will?_ Jenny had smirked. _Something like that._

~

“Will! Will!”

“Yep, I’m here, present,” she said, snapping out of her daydream to see Faith stood exactly in front of her, waving her hand, Buffy lingering behind her.

“You were somewhere else, Red.”

“Sorry just preoccupied I guess,” Faith looked concerned, and Buffy piped up from behind her,

“You okay Will? We can stay if you want,” she said. And Willow took a proper look at the pair of them. They both were dressed up, Buffy’s hair partially plaited around her head, a blue cotton dress falling from her shoulders, a silver charm necklace around her neck, one Giles had got her for Christmas if she remembered correctly, and a small charm bracelet Willow was _sure_ was hers. She chose not to say anything, the earrings she was wearing were Buffy’s after all. Faith was wearing _the jacket,_ (she refused to take it off), with dark black skinny jeans and a dark red lipstick, Giles had known better than to give Faith a necklace, and instead had settled on new headphones, if Willow remembered rightly. They looked nice. They were clearly going out, probably a delayed anniversary meal. Truth be told she hadn’t really been listening, and she only felt a little bit guilty about it.

“No, you go, have fun, I’m fine,” she said, sitting back up and propping her textbook back up, _Psychology 101,_ “I’ve got all the friends I need,” she said, motioning to the textbook but her heart wasn’t really in it.

Buffy furrowed her brow, “Well if you’re sure, but we’re talking tonight, no escaping it,” she joked.

“Sure thing,” Willow said, turning back to her book, missing Buffy’s concerned expression as Faith pulled her out the door, her feathered earrings flying.

~

_The research of different psychologists is designed with different goals in mind, and the different goals require different approaches. These varying approaches, summarized in Table 2.2, are known as research designs. A research design is the specific method a researcher uses to collect, analyze, and interpret data. Psychologists use three major types of research designs, and each provides an essential avenue for scientific investigation._

Willow sighed, pausing her _Studying #4_ mixtape. She really couldn’t focus. The sky was turning orange outside the window, mellowing into the night. Maybe it was sad to make a mixtape for yourself. Or maybe it was productive. Willow liked routine, liked to sit at the same desk, liked her overhead lamp at the right angle, her same old pen, the same pack of highlighters, a perfect system (orange for facts, yellow for interesting points, green for something she wanted to research further, and she liked to annotate in her same blue gel pen.), she liked her studying playlists and her desk chair always at the same height. She liked to see the night stretch out the window, to sense the hours passing, productively, a sense of achievement. But it wasn’t working for her tonight, the time was passing, but it was all _wrong,_ she wasn’t being productive, she couldn’t even get beyond the first paragraph.

She felt a ball of frustration inside her chest as she tapped her pen against the desk, staring at the pictures on Buffy’s bedside table. One of her, Xander, and Buffy soon after they met Buffy, in what she supposed would be called ‘ _the high school years’_ in a biography of their lives. It was weird to think of it as a period that was over, finished, to think that they were now in _‘the college years’._ Time passed weirdly. Next to that same picture was one of Buffy and Giles at ‘graduation’ if one could call it that, they were both covered in mud and blood, but Buffy was wearing a cap and holding her diploma, and Giles was grinning like a proud parent, so Willow supposed that was as close to normal as you could get when you were in the Scooby gang. Then, there was a picture of Faith and Buffy, from not too long ago, both of them laughing, sitting on a picnic blanket in the middle of the beach, on one of Giles’ ‘ _we will act like a normal family, despite the odds’_ days, they’d gone in the summer, had a barbecue, jumped in the waves, all the things one could do if one was not a monster hunter for the day. Willow had taken the picture. The pair of them laughing, holding hands, looking the most in love of anybody ever. She smiled, remembering how Giles had accidentally proposed on the way home, the ring falling out of his jacket.

_Well the car’s not the most romantic location,_ he’d said, fumbling the ring in his hand. _  
You know it doesn’t matter to me._ A grin and a kiss.

_Officially a wicked stepmother now huh,_ Xander had quipped, earning a glare from Giles (and a laugh from the rest of them.)

Willow was pulled out of her thoughts by a knock at the door. Her chest jumped a little, was it Tara? Had she found her? Was she interested after all? There was a little light in what was previously dim.

When she opened the heavy wooden door, there was a girl standing there, a bright, fake smile plastered across her face, a long denim skirt, and earrings that boasted the Wiccan symbol.

“Oh,” she said, stepping back a little, the smile falling from her face.

“Not too disappointed I hope?” the girl quipped, clutching a pile of pink flyers.

“No, not at all.” Willow faked a smile to match.

“I’m recruiting for the on-campus Wicca group.” She said, handing Willow a flyer.

“W-Wicca group?” Willow said, her brow furrowing.

“Yeah you know, like witchcraft.” She smiled,

“Yeah I actually practice,” Willow said, feeling weird to be having this conversation in the harsh light of the hallway, like two worlds colliding. She scanned her eyes over the flyer.

_Do you feel the systematic oppression of the patriarchy? Do you want to let your inner goddess flourish? Do you want to feel empowered?_

Willow noticed the absence of actual magic on the flyer. She rolled her eyes, she guessed it was _that_ kind of Wiccan group then.

“So I’ll see you there then? Thursdays at 8.” The girl said, pointing to the flyer with her trademark fake grin.

“Yeah, sure,” Willow said, still feeling a little dazed. It certainly was different to high school, nobody there would have come up to her and openly discussed magic. She was once again reminded of the past-tense nature of high school. Time moved weirdly. She felt at odds with her own self. She looked down at the flyer again; it didn’t exactly seem as if potions and spell-casting would be on the agenda. She shaked her head, the witchcraft movement was becoming so mainstream. She would probably laugh about this with Jenny later. She was definitely glad to have Jenny. There was no way she could ever talk to her actual mother about half the things she did with Jenny, and it felt nice to have a kind of maternal support, the way Buffy did. Someone to have your back. She smiled.

Wait- witchcraft. Tara. She grinned, maybe if she went - she would see Tara. The thought filled her with warmth and she grinned. Thursday. Two days. She could wait that long. She looked back at her books, what to do until then? Suddenly time seemed infinite, the clock slowing to a near stop. Time moved weirdly.

~

“So this is a bit of an impromptu trip,” Xander said, clutching the largest bucket of popcorn Willow had ever seen. Willow had ditched her studies for a cinema date with Xander, she felt like some much needed best-friend time. Maybe it was too much thinking about high school, maybe it was the sudden slowing-down of time, or maybe Xander was just her oldest and closest friend and right now she needed someone whose opinion of her wasn’t changeable.

“We’re best friends,” she grinned, “didn’t think I’d have to schedule you.”

“No, no,” Xander smiled, “it’s really good to see you, it’s been too long.”  He grinned, “So what’s new in Willow-ville,”

“Umm not much,” Willow said, looking down and fiddling with her fingers, her voice becoming slightly higher. Xander looked at her with concern, but sensing the tension decided not to bring it up.

“Still having to vacate the room?” he smirked.

“Yeah,” Willow said, “until Faith gets her new place,”

Xander raised his eyebrows, “this elusive new place, I’m willing to bet you it doesn’t really exist.”

Willow hit him on the arm, “Don’t say that!”

“Hey popcorn danger, Will, you nearly made me spill it!”

“Sorry,” she smirked, “but really it’s not that bad, makes me study at the library, and besides I like Faith.”

“Of course, so do I, but sometimes you’ve got to stand up for your space,” he grinned, “that’s what I’m still petitioning for this lock on my door, I’m a man now, I need privacy,”

“She still walking in on you and Anya?” Willow laughed,

“Only all the time, I’m starting to think she does it on purpose,”

Willow laughed, remembering her own dad’s strict refusal to let her have sleepovers with Xander as a child, not understanding that boys and girls were capable of being just friends (as if ‘ _friends’_ was somehow the consolation prize and not the main event). She remembered the lies, _it’s Janice’s dad,_ and Xander pretending to be his mum on the phone, before they stayed up late eating ice cream and watching re-runs of _the fresh prince of bell-air._

“You okay Will? You’ve gone quiet.” Xander said, his eyes filled with concern.

Time ran between them like a river, they were bound now, those memories bound them together for better or worse, for awkward glances across the car park or weekly meetings at the coffee house to take about their latest escapades. She took a deep breath.

Xander knew her. He knew everything about her. He was her best friend.

“I’m going through a b-bit of a hard time,” she said, quickly, “since Oz left it’s been h-hard you know, college is hard and a life-defining experience, and I just feel as if I’m not really living my life,-“ Xander took her hand gently, and smiled, “and it’s hard to be alone you know, especially with Buffy and Faith and you and Anya and Giles and Jenny,- n-not that I’m complaining!” she added hurriedly, “I’m just in a weird space I guess and I think, well I also, I’m not sure but, I don’t really know how to say this but well I t-think I’m kind of gay.” Willow stared down at the grey carpet, and the intricate weaving, the small pieces of popcorn lodged in the folds, the poor guy dressed all in red with his useless dustpan and brush, trying to scrape up what some kids had purposefully thrown, seeing the same film, _for the third time in a row,_ and wishing-

Xander squeezed her hand, pulling her from her thought spiral. She looked up to see him smiling at her.

“It’s okay, Will, all of it.” He pulled her towards him, hugging her and resting his head on the top of hers, _like old times._ And she could see a reflection of every version of her and Xander that existed, an echo of themselves. Her and Xander, three years old playing in the Wendy house, _you’re dad and I’m mom, but I want to be the dog!,_ her and Xander, seven years old, playing hopscotch and curb ball and hide and seek in the neighbourhood, ten years old sitting on the swings, time as slow as treacle, every night as long as the world itself. Echoes of themselves, all of the threads that tied them together.

“I’m glad you told me, you know you can come to me with anything,” he said softly, and Willow felt a tear in her eye, as she reached out to hold his hand again,

“I know,”

And then the trailers started, and everything was the same again. Just two friends, watching a film, Willow resting her head on Xander’s shoulders, and stealing half his popcorn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Any comments would be appreciated!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey I know it's been a little while but I'm back at Uni now and super busy so scheduling is no longer a thing lol (ironically living the college life is exactly what's keeping me from writing this college au). I had some issues with like pacing? I guess idk I hope you like it :)

Willow lay her head against the (same old) Mickey Mouse pillow at the head of Xander’s bed, her head resting on his shoulder, looney tunes blaring from the TV. If Willow closed her eyes really tight she could imagine they were eight again, that Xander had produced his traditional stash of goodies from under the bed, life was simple, and lying on that bed right there was the only thing she had to do all day. She could pretend that her life hadn’t become a messy ball of string you she had no hope of untying. She sighed, snuggling closer to Xander. At least she had one constant.

The answer machine cut through Willow’s daydream.

“Hey Willow, hope you’re there, I got your message, you’re not getting out of our time together!” Buffy laughed through the crackling machine, reminding them that there were three of them now, another body to stand against the sun, “anyway, I’ll be round in five, and you have no choice in this Xander.” She grinned, the machine beeping, signalling the end of the message. Maybe two constants.

“Well I guess our sleepover for two has become for three.” Xander grinned, “Do you think we’ll all still fit?”

“Xander it’s only been a year, and none of us have actually grown,” Willow laughed, helping him to get the extra duvet out of the awning cupboard, still spawning the classic bugs bunny cover. “Xander these are the same sheets from when I used to stay here when I was five,”

“They’ve been washed,” he laughed, “besides, y’know, tradition.”

 “Tradition’s important,” she said, smiling up at Xander as he took her hand and squeezed it. She let it go, returning to throwing the spare duvet over the corner, “Anya not here?”

“She doesn’t actually live here you know,” Xander said pointedly, and Willow only raised her eyebrows in response. “She’s on a small trip with her pal, from the vengeance days.”

“Ah-“Willow said, but that thought was interrupted by the swinging open of the basement door.

“Willow, Xander there you are!” Buffy said, her face beaming, and Willow could tell she was slightly drunk (or _happy,_ as Buffy liked to point out when she had had a few drinks).

“See!” Xander pointed, “This is why I need a lock,”

Willow rolled her eyes, “So you had fun then? With Faith?”

“Yes! It was so nice!”

Xander looked behind her, “And where is she now?”

“She went clubbing, some old friends from when she did that internship, you know with the mayor?” She said, as she walked down the stairs.

Willow guessed ‘ _internship’_ was easier to say than, that one time Faith went undercover with the mayor and pretended to be his personal assassin in order to get Intel and nearly got killed.

“And you didn’t want to go?” Xander raised his eyebrows, “No Bronze action for Buffy?”

Buffy rolled her eyes, “I wanted to be with you guys, like old times, it’s been foreeever.” She grinned at Xander.

“That it has, that it has,” Xander smiled,

“We have ice cream, friends on boxset, and the trusty bugs bunny duvet.” Willow said, reaching out to hug Buffy, wrapping her arms around her and smelling her usual coconut shampoo.

“Classic,” Buffy said, smiling, squeezing Willow a little tighter than usual, Buffy reaching her hands out, trying to pull Xander into one of their group hugs, all three of them falling onto the bed. Buffy laughed, looking down at both Will and Xander’s pyjamas.

“I guess I’m overdressed,” she said,

“Spare ones in the bottom drawer,” Xander said, motioning towards the chest-of-drawers.

“Anya’s?” Buffy said, raising her eyebrows,

“Actually they’re Will’s super old ones, but you’re so tiny you should fit into them,” Xander said, earning a stern look and a hit on the shoulder from Buffy (while Willow stifled a giggle with her left hand.) 

~

The darkness enveloped them all, the three of them squished into the one fold-out double bed in Xander’s basement, Buffy turned onto her side, her chin resting on her hand. The small lava lamp lit up the left side of Xander’s face, as he stared up at the ceiling. Willow was in the middle, she was sat up her knees tucked under her chin as she played with a loose thread on her pyjamas.

“So what’s she like?” Buffy said, her question setting a tiny spark in Willow’s chest. It was much easier to confess things in the dark, much easier like this, the three of them tied together, _traditional_. She felt closer to her two best friends in moments like this than she ever did to anybody, time stopped in the middle on the night, it was theirs to conquer, to own, the three of them against the world. Words spilled and shared in the middle of the night did not take the same form as they would in the morning, in the morning they would be laced with barbed wire, harsh and cutting, but right now they were only words, wisps of silk that weaved themselves into the darkness. Buffy was excited to hear Willow’s confession, (she may have squealed and uttered something along the lines of ‘welcome to the team’, making Willow blush harder than the time her mother had asked her whether she had lost her virginity to Xander.) and Willow had grinned, wondering why she hadn’t told Buffy earlier, why she had let the orb of anxiety sit in her chest for so long.

 “She’s really nice,” Willow smiled,

“Aww,” Buffy grinned, “Our little Will has a crush.” Willow batted her lightly on the arm,

“All growd up,” Xander chimed in,

“Specifics?”

“She’s erm blonde, she’s in our year I’m pretty sure, I met her in the library in the middle of the night,” Willow smiled, it felt so nice, to be able to just talk about it, this thing she’d had bottled up inside her for so long, to talk so freely, and to have people be happy about it, be interested in her. It was so nice to have all her cards on the table and to have people still love her, still care about her. Her skin was tinged with happiness. She wanted to bury her face in her sleeve.

“And how long?” Buffy said,

“How long what?”

“How long have you been seeing each other?”

Willow blushed dark red, which came up somewhat orange in the light of the lava lamp. “W-we aren’t,” she murmured, “it was just that once,”

“You haven’t seen her since?” Buffy said, “Oh we have to rectify that, what’s her name? We can look up all the records, see where she lives-“

“Whoah!” Xander laughed, “Calm down a second, you’re first instinct is stalking?”

“It’s not quite stalking,” Buffy mumbled,

“I think Faith is rubbing off on you,” Xander shook his head, lovingly, “I’m sure Willow has a plan,” he said, turning to her,

“Something like that.” Willow murmured, grinning.

And she wished she could stop time in that moment right there. A freeze frame. The three of them laughing and joking in the dark, having a sleepover like they did every other high-school weekend, a tradition that had fallen through the cracks when they’d gotten to college, that same old atmosphere. Willow felt happy. But inevitably, whenever you want time to go slow, that’s exactly when it speeds up. Time acts weirdly, and it marches on.

It marched on, and Buffy explained in detail Faith’s ‘accident’ with the spaghetti, how the waiter had ordered them to leave, how they’d laughed all the way home. The night progressed like that, stories and jokes and memories and an agreement to do this more often. And even though it would be four months before they did again, the tradition never would die completely. They were bonded forever, they were just evolving, becoming a new shadow of themselves, a new step. So that one day they could look back on these moment, the college years, with fond memories. So that one day the current versions of themselves could be just another in the echo chamber.

Come later that night both Buffy and Xander had fallen asleep, and Willow smiled as she watched both their chests rise and fall. _Peaceful._

~  
The gang were all awoken by Anya coming (not so gracefully) down the stairs, banging her head against one of the low-hanging beams.

“Ow!” she exclaimed, holding her head in her hands, “Oh, you’re asleep,” she said, as Buffy, Willow and Xander all looked at her, eyes barely open and hair tousled, (Buffy in particular looked not too happy, she was 100% not a morning person, then again Willow supposed ‘night person’ was part of the slayer job.)

“Not anymore, Ahn,” Xander said, tucking up his legs and patting the space on the bed, gesturing Anya to sit down, “how was the trip?”

“Good,” she said, proceeding to launch into a rather alarming story that involved her vengeance demon pal Hallie pausing time to let them catch the last train, laughing, easily a hundred percent more awake than anyone else in the room,

“I’ll pretend I didn’t hear that,” Buffy said, rolling her eyes,

Anya laughed, “Goody-goody two shoes,”

“It’s the job,” Buffy grinned, throwing a pillow at Anya’s head.

“Well I’d offer to make you all pancakes,” Anya said, her eyes drifting over the three of them, “but I’ve not mastered cooking,” she said, gesturing towards the large black stain on the wall.

“All’s well, I think we have some things at home,” Buffy said, yawning.

“Really you don’t have to go,” Xander said

“You have work in fifteen minutes, sweetie,” Anya said, motioning towards the alarm,

“Oh god,” Xander said, leaping out of bed, “I guess you do have to leave,” he laughed,

“No problem, good luck!” Willow said, her and Buffy taking their bags to the bathroom to get changed,

“See you Xand, Ahn,” Buffy said, “You’re coming to the Scooby meeting later?”

“Course,” Anya said, “See you there,”

~  
Buffy and Willow waited half an hour in the cold at the bus stop, _damn Sunnydale and its infrequent buses,_ and Willow had forgotten her student card so had to pay double, _damn corporate America._ When they got home they found Faith passed out face down on the floor still sporting the clothes from the night before, _somebody had a good night,_ Buffy said as they both hauled her into Buffy’s bed.

_I’m fine,_ murmured a very tired Faith, _just leave me,_ but they tucked her in anyway and left a glass of water by the bed, _for later._

Buffy then climbed into Willow’s bed for a ‘quick nap’ before their next class, (which would result in Willow desperately trying to shake her awake five minutes before their world geography lecture.)

~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave a comment if you enjoyed it! I love getting feedback! Hope you have a nice day :)


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> drink every time someone rolls their eyes or raises their eyebrows or grins (dare u)

Somehow by the time the class had finished Faith already knew about Tara. She turned up outside their class, dressed in one of Buffy’s oversized jumpers and a pair of white cotton shorts. Her hair was tied up messily but she still wore her classic eyeliner.   _I_ ’ _m tired but I’m dedicated to the gossip_ , she said placing a small kiss on Buffy’s face, before turning to Willow.

“So Buffy said you’ve joined the gay squad,” Faith grinned, causing Willow to nearly spit out the water she wasn’t drinking, the tip of her ears going bright red as she tried to hide behind her sleeve. “Welcome kiddo,” Faith said, messing up Willow’s hair with the hand she wasn’t using to hold Buffy’s.

“Thanks, I guess,” Willow said, blushing and trying to straighten up her hair once more, pushing it behind her ear as they made their way towards the cafeteria. Buffy attempted to get all of her food without letting go of Faith’s hand, endeavouring to get an extra large portion on her catering card so that Faith could share (the woman always raised her eyebrows but usually let them get away with it, if that wasn’t ally culture Willow didn’t know what was.)

They sat around the table, Faith talking about how her friend last night punched some dude in the face and they got kicked out and had to go three towns over in the middle of the night just to get to another club. And Willow was sure it was a fascinating story but she was only half listening because Tara had walked in, her long hair falling across her face. She seemed to be talking to another girl, a tall girl with short black hair that was half-tied up, a long blue cardigan falling from her shoulders, _god I hope she doesn’t have a girlfriend_ , Willow thought, her eyes lingering over Tara and the way her mouth twitched into a smile.

“Hey earth to Willow,” Buffy said, nudging Willow out of her staring, “You went awful quiet,” Buffy said, following Willow’s eye line, she squealed, squeezing Faith’s hand, “Hey is that her!”

“Yes,” Willow whispered under her breath, “but don’t draw attention to us,” she said, turning red.

“She’s cute,” Faith said, “you know in like that quiet, ethereal kind of way,” she said,

“Definitely,” Buffy smiled,

Tara payed for her lunch and started heading towards another table,

“Hey you!” Faith shouted towards Tara, causing her to jump a little, “Tara right?” Faith said as Willow turned a red deeper than Buffy had ever before seen, practically matching the tomatoes on her plate.

“Umm y-yeah” Tara said, and Willow could see her tray shaking a little.

“I’m Faith, Willow’s friend,” Faith said, letting go of Buffy’s hand in order to gesture towards a (now crimson) Willow.

“Oh h-hey,” Tara said, a small smile creeping over her face, as she looked down, her hair falling across her face. “I-I was hoping to see you around,” she said, her cheeks becoming pink. And Willow couldn’t help but grin, she was so cute.

“Well here I am, around,” she smiled, very aware of both Buffy and Faith staring at her. There was a beat of silence,

“Well I umm better go,” Tara said, smiling towards Willow before turning around,

“Hey wait –“Willow said, “are you going to this Wicca group? Tonight?”

Tara smiled, “I w-wasn’t planning on doing - but sure,” she smiled softly, looking over at her friend, who was watching her with raised eyebrows, “I-I have to go, but see you there?”

“It’s a date,” Willow smiled, “w-well urm not a date, but you know?” Willow trailed off, looking down at her feet.

“I know,” Tara said softly, “See you there.”

And then she disappeared through the open door, into the secondary cafeteria room, her long, blonde hair glimmering in the grey flickering light.

Willow turned her head, “Faith I am going to kill you,”

Faith grinned, “Worked didn’t it?” she said, tilting her head, “I got you a date, didn’t I?”

“It’s not a date,” Willow muttered but she couldn’t help but smile.

“She’s for sure gay though,” Buffy said, and Willow turned to her, smiling softly, “I know these things,” she grinned, patting Willow’s shoulder as she blushed.

“To the power gay squad,” Faith said, holding up her glass in cheers as Buffy rolled her eyes,

“Someone’s gonna have to tell Xander.” Buffy laughed.

Faith turned her head, as Willow picked her fork back up, pushing around the (over congealed) cheese pasta that passed for food at the cafeteria.

“That guy’s looking at you again, Buffy.” Faith said in a sing-song voice, before stealing a whole handful of chips from Buffy’s plate. Willow looked across the cafeteria and sure enough, there was Riley, surrounded by a whole table of guys who looked the exact same as him, impossibly tall habitants of the gym with a tan as if they just stepped off a (private) plane. And sure enough he was looking at Buffy, his little face lit up like a puppy. He grinned and waved and Willow swore she saw one of the other guys roll his eyes, (Moss? Woody? Frances? Something like that).

“I told you,” Buffy said, waving back, “he’s just my psychology assistant.”

“I know that,” Faith grinned, “But does he?”

“Faaaith,” Buffy groaned, “He’s sweet I promise,”

“Oblivious more like,” Faith said, sitting upwards to catch Buffy’s mouth with her own, proceeding to make out with her ferociously, in a manner that was _not respectable for a public location_ (they’d been burned before.) Faith pulled away, grinning, watching Riley blush and turn away, “Do you think he’s got the message yet?”

Buffy grinned, “I do like jealous Faith,” she said, moving closer to kiss Faith again.

“Dudes, boundaries.” Willow groaned, “It’s bad enough I have to vacate my room every other night, now I can’t even eat my mash potatoes in peace?”

Buffy laughed, “It’s us who’ll have to leave the room soon enough,” she grinned, shaking Willow’s shoulder until she turned a brighter red than even Riley.

~

The day wore on, Willow went to all her classes, her backpack seeming to grow heavier with every turn of the clock. Buffy was markedly absent from their psychology 101 class, and Willow made a mental note to talk to her about _responsibilities_ and _balance._ Giles had gone soft since the engagement, and Buffy was starting to get away with murder. Then again maybe she was just trying to avoid Riley after the lunch time fiasco. Besides, Willow could hardly blame her for skipping a class here and there, what with her being the only one who could stop the apocalypse and all, but still, school was important.

It was dark by the time Willow made it back to the room, a full moon shining through the window like an omen. The hanging chalice. She threw her backpack on the bed, turning the light on.

“Ow, don’t do that.” Faith said, throwing an arm over her face. She seemed to have gotten changed back into pyjamas (or at least an oversized slipknot t-shirt, which was as close to pyjamas as Faith got.)

“Hangover hit you?” Willow said, turning out the main light and putting on her small, bedside lamp.

“Something like that.” She said, rolling over to look at Willow. “So…” she said, grinning, “you looking forward to seeing Tara tonight? Need me to vacate the room?” she said, raising her eyebrows.

Willow blushed, “it’s not like that.”

“But you want it to be.”

“Faith!”

“Just saying, let it be Will, there’s no shame,” Willow sat down on the bed, from this angle she could see Faith’s (fifth? sixth?) tattoo, a small one just inside her wrist. She remembered the day Faith got it, acting hard, but Buffy swore she had seen a small tear escape, and that she’d gripped her hand a little _too_ tight to be considered loving.

_It’s an infinity sign, that’s like fractured in the middle you know, to remind me that not everything has a higher purpose; that sometimes things break down and that’s okay._

_I think that’s the most genuine thing I’ve ever heard you say._

_Well don’t expect it to last._

“I know,” Willow said softly, “Thanks Faith,”

“It’s okay,” Faith smiled softly, “Now let me sleep, the Advil should kick in any second.”

“Buffy on patrol?”

“Yep,” Faith said, her voice laced with sleep and Willow smiled, sometimes Faith was so brazen and hard and larger than life that Willow forgot about her soft edges, forgot that she cared about things so deeply. She didn’t glimpse it all that often, but every once in a while that hardened exterior disappeared and she got to see what Faith would be like if she hadn’t put up so many walls, got to see her softer side. The moonlight spilled through the cracked window, intertwining with Faith’s hair as it spilled across the pillow and Willow walked over to the bed, pulling a small blanket from the bottom of the bed, tucking it over her shoulders.

“Night Faith.” She said, grabbing her keys before leaving the room.

~

Willow pulled her sleeves over her hands as she walked down the corridor. She suddenly felt very nervous, as if the carpet were twitching, trying to throw off her balance. She knew from her discussion with _eager flyer girl_ that she wasn’t gonna gain anything magically from this class. But deep down she knew that the magic element had nothing to do with why she was going. _Tara._ Hair as bright as the sun, her smile softer than daisies. _Shake it off._ She remembered the early days of Buffy and Faith all sickly sweet smiles and long looks, she’d promised herself then and there she would never be that insufferable. But maybe she was finally starting to understand it.

She turned the corner,

“Hi Willow! Good to see you!” _Eager flyer girl,_ of course. Willow blinked quickly, _fuck what was her name,_ Mandy? Molly? Katherine? Willow couldn’t remember for the life of her.

“Yeah!” Willow said, summoning up her best fake smile, “Good to see you too!”

“We were just discussing our bake sale next week,” _Eager flyer girl,_ said, but Willow was no longer listening because there Tara was, smiling at her from the other side of the room, Willow swore there was a small halo forming around her head.

“Sounds good,” Willow said absentmindedly, and _Eager flyer girl_ (Millie? Quinn?) got back to leading the group, while people chipped in about how they could raise money, Willow supposed to buy some kind of _spice rack_ or something ridiculous. The meeting dragged on as her and Tara took turns peeking small glances at each other. Willow wanted nothing more than for _Eager flyer girl_ (Rachel? Kelly?) to stop talking so she could walk over, talk to Tara, make her smile.

The group finally came to a close and Willow made a beeline for Tara,

“Hey!” she said softly, “You made it!”

“O-of course!” Tara said, and they began to walk together through the hallways,

“What do you think of the group?” Willow said smiling,

“Honestly?”

“Honestly.”

“I t-think if they ever saw a real witch they’d run screaming.” Tara said, grinning.

“They’re pretty awful, that main girl, she’s so smiley.”

“Mandy?”

“Probably, wait what’s her name, Mandy? I’m never going to remember that.”

Tara laughed, “she’s been trying to get me to come for ages, it’s just not my cup of tea though, if I’m honest,” she smiled.

“So how come you came today?” Willow said, very aware of how close they were walking, very aware that if she moved just a little closer, she could brush Tara’s hand, reach out and hold it… she shook her head. Focus.

“Honestly, I-I wanted to see you,” Tara blushed, looking down at the floor.

Willow lit up, “I wanted to see you too.” She could see a small grin fall across Tara’s face from behind her hair.

Tara slowed down, turning, “Well this is me,” she said, motioning to the door behind them, _311_. “I really enjoyed talking to you,”

“Maybe we could do this again sometime,” Willow said, blushing slightly, she wasn’t usually so forward, “you know some time where we don’t have to listen to an hour of bullshit first,” she stopped, feeling herself starting to ramble,

“Definitely,” Tara said, clutching her bag a little tighter, “do you want to give me your number, I can r-ring you with a time?”

Willow grinned, “Of course,” she said, pulling a pen out of her bag, and writing her number across Tara’s hand. “Don’t forget,” she said, smiling, watching as Tara lingered a little longer than usual at the door, her eyes lingering over Willow in a way that made her smile and blush all at once.  Willow watched her go inside, before turning around to go the other way. (Tara would find out Willow had walked the wrong way just to see her some weeks later, at which point she would smile and shake her head, saying it was cute.)

The moon shone bright outside the window, and Willow grinned, something at least in her life was falling into place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like I've not quite hit my stride with writing Tara/Willow so I hope this okay I didn't know if this final scene seemed a bit rushed or not quite right idk. I'm loving writing the scooby gang dynamic though can't wait to do some more of that! Please leave a comment if you can it's really what keeps me going!


	5. Chapter 5

Willow reached her hand up to knock on Tara’s door. She been seeing a lot of her recently, squeezing in spell studying sessions in between classes and Scooby meetings. _Studying spells is for sure a euphemism,_ Faith had said before Willow had thrown a pillow at her. But, she wasn’t wrong. Sure, they did spells, and Willow was improving leaps and bounds with the extra practice (Jenny had been a little preoccupied as of late), but it was mostly an excuse to see each other, that much both of them secretly knew.

 _So how far have you got then?_ Buffy had whispered in the swirls of darkness, a rare night where it was just the two of them in the dorm room, the nail painting and hair braiding of their past sleepovers swapped for takeaway pizza and an early night (they were old and tired now). In the dark Buffy couldn’t see Willow blush.

_Umm nowhere actually. We’re just seeing each other you know, getting to know one another._

_Don’t know how to make a move huh?_

_God no._

Buffy laughed, _you’ll get there one day kid._

 _I’m older than you._ Willow grinned to a room that could see nothing.

Tara opened the door, her trademark soft smile spilling from her lips.

“Hi,” she said, opening the door. Tara’s room was darker than Willow had ever expected, every wall was painted black (she still didn’t know how Tara had gotten away with that, the Uni had a strictly _no blu-tac_ policy let alone paint). _I’m not a Goth I promise, it just reminds me of the night sky._ A small crack open, a look at the light inside. Scratching the surface of Tara, as if every tiny detail illuminated something new.  Along the walls were draped cloths and tapestries depicting different star patterns (one day Willow hoped she would show her all the constellations), and there was a crystal ball perched on one of the shelves, a line of fairy lights hung down, twinkling like the night sky itself. It was cosy, like being at camp without any of the cold or social hierarchy.  Across the bookshelves Willow could see titles like ‘ _The Modern Witch; Debunking Stereotypes’,_ and ‘ _Understanding Potions and How to Use Them’,_ stood nonchalantly next to ‘ _Intro to Physics’_ and _Southern American Geopolitics,_ the mixing of the realist and magical realm made Willow smile. _The modern witch,_ the word still felt a little odd in her mouth. 

“Hi,” she smiled back at Tara. This nightly routine was starting to feel homely and warm like sweet tea and gingerbread as the winter nights grew longer. She walked into the room, placing her bag on the floor and sitting down on the edge of Tara’s bed. “Did you get the salamander eyes, for the spell?” Willow said, smirking a little, imagining her fifteen year old self hearing herself say those words. She didn’t even know what a salamander was.

“Yeah I did, the guy at the magic box ordered them in for me.”

“Cool,” Willow said, looking down, Tara had placed all the ingredients down on the rug, in a neat little row next to the cauldron (as much as Willow hated the stereotype – sometimes they were useful). _The magic rug,_ they had nicknamed it, _shame it doesn’t fly; maybe one day (a smile.)_

She moved to sit down, crossing her legs in her usual spot, back against the bed and Tara sat opposite, a book with aged yellow pages opened at her side. A lot of Tara’s books had belonged to her mother, and her grandmother before her. Willow wondered what that felt like, to have a strong familial connection, to be able to feel your blood running back through generations, to share something. She hadn’t talked to her mother since the start of Uni, and even over the summer all she got was a few _hmm really‘s_ over the top of her newspaper. Tara’s eyes filled with sadness every time she talked about her mother, Willow hadn’t really gathered much about her passing, but it seemed as if Tara had been young. Willow didn’t know whether it was worse to have had that connection and lost it, or never to have had it at all. Tara smiled at her, breaking her from her thoughts.

“So what first? The sage?”

Willow peered over at the spell book, “I guess so.” she said, reaching over to pick up the sage, rubbing it between her fingers before tossing half a sprig into the pot.

“Now the oak root,” Tara said, reaching for a small pot of grinded root, throwing it into the pot from which a small amount of blue smoke was already starting to curl.

“Okay,” Willow said, smiling at Tara, “now the feathers?”

“Uh-huh,” Tara said, and Willow leaned forward to pick up the feathers, accidentally knocking the cauldron over, which immediately started to bubble into the carpet, forming a small burn circle,

“Oh god, I’m so so sorry!” Willow said, “I can help clean it up, I can pay for the carpet, whatever!”

“It’s fine,” Tara said, staring at Willow and Willow became very aware of how close their faces were, how she still hadn’t moved her hand from where it fell when she caught her balance, just to the right of Tara’s hip. She could feel Tara’s breath against her cheek. “The magic carpet can c-cover all sins, remember?” Tara said softly, as if she were trying to control her breathing, subconsciously shifting to move slightly closer.

“Hmm” Willow said, not breaking eye contact as she moved closer to Tara’s face, before kissing her softly and gently, her second hand propping her up just behind Tara’s back as Tara reached up to cup her face. It was nice and sweet and soft, they broke apart, grinning slightly, “I would have ruined your carpet sooner if I’d have known,” Willow smiled, and Tara shook her head, reaching forward to kiss her again, the spell forgotten for right now.

~

Buffy swung her stake around absent-mindedly, cursing Faith for being busy. She had recently started singing with one of the local bands, twice a week at the bronze, and as much as Buffy loved to see her up there, shaking her hips and flashing those sultry eyes, she didn’t enjoy being abandoned to slay alone because of _band practice._

Whatever happened to; _to slay is your true calling, your life’s work?_ Giles had never let her go to anything in high school, the engagement really was making him soft. Still at least she had something, Buffy loved Faith but sometimes having her with her 24/7 could be overwhelming. Not that she would ever tell Faith that, underneath all those layers of eyeliner she really could be quite sensitive. And it wasn’t as if Buffy was growing apart from Faith, not even in the slightest, sometimes she just missed the days where she could come and lie on her bed alone. Sometimes the pressure of being surrounded 100% of time, played on her chest like a drum, the guilt at thinking it producing a counter-tune. She could never win.

She crossed the grave yard for the _third time_ that week, maybe it was just Buffy, maybe she’d just improved her skills, upped her game, but the vampires just didn’t seem to come out that much anymore. Not that she was complaining, she could do with a nice early night, a couple of candles, and some chamomile tea maybe. She missed baths, there wasn’t one in halls. Maybe she’d call by Giles’, she thought idly. _Bang._ She spun around, a large cracking sound coming from the woods behind her. _I got you now, Vamp._ She gripped her stake with a familiar ease, turning on the balls of her feet, keeping a fighting stance like Giles had always taught her.

The girl came swaggering out of the woods, her head high and posture controlled. She was tall, very tall, her hair long and straight and pale blonde like wisps of gold, she smirked and Buffy could see the blood dripping from her teeth. Buffy’s face hardened.

 _“The famous Buffy huh?_ ” The vampire leered, moving towards Buffy at lightning speed, Buffy jutted out her stake but missed her, she was already behind her, her cold, bony hands pressing into her shoulders. Buffy span around, but lost her balance, falling onto the floor, her elbows crunching against the mud. The vampire stood over her, her pale face looming, the moon behind her like a halo, her sharp fangs highlighted in the moon’s glow as she moved closer to Buffy, pinning down her arms.

There was a crack behind her and the vampire span, “I guess it’s just too easy, _slayer”_ she said, dragging out the last word like a slur, “some other time maybe,” she winked, running off into the woods at lightning speed, leaving Buffy bruised and bewildered (and her favourite coat covered in mud.) Her mouth hung open with shock, _what just happened to her?_

~

“And this vampire, what did she look like?”

“She was tall, long blonde hair, and quick as heck,” Buffy said, as Jenny handed her an ice pack, wincing as she put it against her split lip. She still couldn’t focus, her ears ringing, her hands shaking as she tried hard not to fall off the kitchen stool. She pressed her hand against the counter but it didn’t seem to ground her any more in reality, like she was a balloon, her string tied, floating higher and higher into the sky, watching the world shrink below her, powerless to stop it.

“No one you’ve seen before?” Giles continued with the questioning,

“I think I’d remember,” Buffy said, Jenny noticing her shaking hands and taking them in her own rubbing to warm them a little, and Buffy smiled at her through the ice pack.

“Hmm the others should be here soon, we’ll see what they think,” Giles said,

“Do they have to?” Buffy said, her voice smaller than usual, throwing Giles off and making him get that sympathetic, loving look in his eyes.

“It’s Tuesday, Buffy,” Giles said softly, “team meeting day, I’m afraid they’re already on their way,” he reached out to touch her shoulder, “I’m sure it’ll be okay,”

Buffy swallowed, it wasn’t that she didn’t _want_ to see her friends, she just felt spacey and shaky and they could be _so_ overbearing at times, even if it was just because they cared. And Faith. She supposed Faith was coming. The thought made her feel a little sick. Not because she didn’t love her. But because she would be concerned and affectionate and the last thing Buffy wanted to do right now was play their little routine. Buffy’s hands shook more as she switched over the ice pack to her left hand. Jenny looked at Buffy, her shaking hands, the gaunt look on her face,

“Maybe we should call it off Rupert?” she said just as a loud knock echoed through the room,

“I guess that’s the cavalry,” he said, looking apologetic, before walking to the door, Buffy could hear the murmur of greetings and exchanges, turning around to see the familiar red hair of Willow, the grin falling from her face when she saw the wounds on Buffy’s face.

“Buffy you okay?” she said, rushing towards her, Buffy nodded solemnly, “What happened?” she said, taking her hand.

“I think she just needs some space,” Jenny said and Willow nodded.

~

Buffy did the _I’m fine_ routine twice more before Faith arrived, the concern clouding over her face, clocking the shaking hands before simply squeezing her hand and landing a small kiss on her temple. Buffy leaned into her neck, feeling more settled. Maybe she’d underestimated Faith, and the guilt started to gnaw at her stomach again, of course she loved Faith, of course she wanted to see her. Sure she could be brash and bold, but she was also sensitive, Buffy knew that better than anyone else, and she _knew_ Buffy, knew what she needed. Still Buffy felt too guilty to look her in the eye.

 ~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter was originally longer, and had a better overarching idea but it just got too long so I cut it in half into two chapters, so if this feels a little all over the place, blame that! Thanks for reading and please comment if you can (it makes the world of difference!). Hope you have a nice day!

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! :)


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